Something happened/shifted for me this week and I wanted to share it with you all. I got an invite from a good friend to go to the theatre. Nice yes, however it was a second hand invite as the original person was not able to attend. I have wanted to go back to the theatre for a while so I could have jumped at the offer only my instant gut reaction was no. Thanks, but no.
It was a new feeling with a depth and calmness to it. It felt really nice. It felt safe.
I am still breathing in the magnitude of the above words and probably will do for some time. I realised in that moment I was not disappointed, upset, resentful or hurt. Just safe. Safe in my own skin, heart and mind. Safe, in the comfort of the realisation that I am worthy.
It felt very natural , although also something that I don’t remember feeling before. I felt ‘self respect’. I did not realise that the word had a feeling connected to it. That was my experience. Sometimes, you don’t realise what you are missing until you suddenly ‘feel’ it in your body.
There is a sadness around it. Most of my life i have put other people and their feelings before my own and on many occasion dismissing myself completely. My process, learning and self development has revealed so many things about myself than I even realised. No wonder I felt invisible for so long. Harsh realisation. I made myself invisible by disappearing into everyone that I spoke to without me even being aware.
I allowed people to over power me, to cover me with all their ‘stuff’. They told me their whole life story without asking, without me giving them my permission and without a single “how are you?”.
It was if I wasn’t there. Like they were talking to a ghost.
Where was I?
Could they not see me?
Where did I go?
How could they just ‘dump’ all of their stuff on me and then just leave.
They all treated me like I was nothing. Invisible.
Was I invisible?
I couldn’t be physically invisible but somehow I was. How?
BOUNDARIES.
Is it about them, me or both?
One to ponder………
With much love and respect
Sophie Marie x
Sophie Marie 